I had such positive feedback for the chuckles from last week, I did what anyone in my circumstance would do, repeat the process, generate more fun, particularly as we crawl, groundhog-like from one of the worst winters in many years. Someone once said engage brain before mouth! Good advice, yes, but think of all the fun we’d miss.
Many years ago I was producing the CBC morning radio program out of Regina, when we had a power failure. Nothing is more frustrating to a broadcast crew than to be sitting in a dead studio waiting for the power to come back. After a few minutes a phone call (phones still work in power outages) came into the studio. Hoping it was Sask Power with good news, I was instead lectured by a listener whose life mission appeared to be to inform us that the program was off the air, and what were we going to do about it? I thanked her for calling and politely reminded her that the only thing we could do was wait for the power to be brought back, at which point she chastised me and said: “Well why don’t you make an announcement about it!” Hmmmmm
Tourists are a great source of entertainment. One warm July evening I was hanging out on Banff Avenue watching the passing parade of tourists, when a woman with a southern drawl, pointed up at Mt. Norquay and asked if they painted the snow on the tops of the mountains during the summer?
In that regard, I came across a delightful pocket book put together by a National Park Ranger with some of the most amazing questions he’d collected over the years. (The answers are entirely from the murky depths of my mind – apologies are offered in advance)
How far is Banff from Canada? Congratulations you’ve arrived!
What’s the best way to see Canada in a day? From the International Space Station!
When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds? No. We only use metric money here.
Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don’t they? No! Davy Crockett, King of the Wild Frontier was an American! Sorry!
Tourist: “How do you get your lakes so blue?” Park staff: “We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom”. Tourist: “Oh!”
So many people seem to have a problem with our metric system (and then there are the tourists)
It’s eight kilometres away… is that in miles? It’s two kilometres, is that by foot or by car? If the sign says 100 km, how far is it really?
“Tourist: “How do you pronounce ‘Elk’?” Park Information Staff: ” ‘Elk’ “Tourist: “Oh”.”
“Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?”
A: The bears like it in the tent. It’s much more entertaining when they come by at night.
“Will I be able to see polar bears in the street?”
Depends how much you’ve had to drink.
Which direction is north in Canada?
Do I need a metric compass when I go hiking?
Are you traveling with the guy who’s looking for north?
Is Canadian easy to learn? I would like to learn how to speak Canadian. What are some softwares I can download or buy?
“How does Canadian sound? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that language before.” A: “Eh?”
“Where can I go to see the Queen?” A: Usually in New Westminster, but right now she’s on a state tour of Great Britain.
Why do you Canadians have fireworks tonight? The 4th of July is still a few days away.
A: Because we always want to be first!
“Does your flag come in any other colors?” Tourist in Victoria.
“Are there any ATMs in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton, and Halifax?” A: No! Go away! Do they have toilet paper in Canada? A: No! Go away!
“Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?”
A: No, only trading posts. They accept only beaver or otter pelts. Occasionally they’ll take loons as well. But there are supermarkets with milk everywhere else in Canada.
Remember, t’is better to suffer a slip of the tongue, than a foot in the mouth.
Until next week….